Ish Just Got Real for the Single Mom

So my thoughts are flowing heavy as I write this post. I am pissed the fuk off at the situation of having to be a single mom with a fuked up father(sperm donor)for my child. Now I know lots of people will say you should have kept your legs closed or you knew who you were having a child by but we as people have to stop assuming and criticizing. When I got pregnant at 19 i didn't know much about sex but doing it and really didn't know much about that I was just full of hormones and not full of preventative methods or critical thinking skills it's like they say I was young dumb and full of cum and my bf took advantage of that. My mom told me if I got pregnant in her house she would kick me out and never discussed boys or what to do when I got grown and did decide to have sex to prevent the situation I am in now. That was our sex talk and later on I found out she didn't know how to talk to m e about it because no one talked about it with her and she was so scared of me ending up in a situation like I am now she didn't know what to do but use fear which as you can see only works for so long and most of my peers say they received the same talk from their parents. So while I can't be too mad at my mom for not knowing how to talk to me about sex it still pisses me the fuk off because it probably would have made a big difference if she did, but oh well I guess that's in the past now but back to the issue at hand. So anyone that knows me knows that I love my child to death. I do whatever is in my will and legal to provide for her and keep her happy and all I get from her father is 200 a month in child support, no phone calls for her, no Christmas gifts for her, She is lucky if he calls her on her birthday. Yes I am putting him on blast because I am tired of men and people thinking raising a child is a piece of cake ,especially when you are young and don't have a proper support system. Now I don't talk bad about him to my daughter because she is young, happy and resilient and I'm not going to play villain when she gets older she will see for herself. I say all of this to say ladies and men please examine people really hard before you have children by them and no matter how caught up in lust, love or whatever you may call it realize what can come behind it because people will always tell you what you should do and what they will do but when it comes down to it you can not trust man. Now my Bf was suppose to step up and keep his child for the summer and at last minute he backed out which left me in a situation because I told my babysitter it was her last day and my living situation was changing and so was my work hours. Then his sister stepped in saying she would do it after I cried and complained about how everyone told me to have a baby and not an abortion and said they would help when needed and if they couldn't help then I would just let them have custody of her since that seems to be the only way they will do whats needed for her. So upon this agreement she told me she needed the $200 in child support I get for my child and I told her fine. So remember I said my living situation was changing, well I had to move and I had calculated that into the money I needed to move before we had spoken about her keeping my daughter. I tried to delay moving until I got paid again but I was forced and had to overdraft my account so when the money came the bank took it. So I told her aunt to give me to the next payday and then I would send it next thing I know she is putting my child out telling me I need to come get her if I don't have the money. Now I feel this is ridiculous this is same person that just told me that she was worried about what was best for the child and it wasn't a big deal that she had five kids one more would not hurt. Personally I feel they shouldn't even be asking me for that money because my daughter is seven years old and I can count on one hand the ish they and her father do for her or have done and while I realize it is not his sisters responsibility or his mothers to do for our child I can't help but feel resentment towards them. Well not necessarily his sister but his mother because when I was pregnant she and my bf's father told me not to get an abortion and that they would help with whatever was needed for my daughter. His father gave me this horror story how someone would stick a clamp up my vagina and I could die and at 19 I believed this I had never carried a pregnancy before and like I said I was ill informed. I just feel like when you know your family member is not the best you should stay out of things and not vouch to pick up the slack if your not going to or don't mean it. I feel that her father lives that way and anything our daughter needed for the summer or they felt like she needed for the summer they should have called him. I still have to maintain a place for my daughter when she comes home so was I suppose to end up homeless and give money to them to take my daughter to the zoo and out for luxuries and then when she comes home she doesn't have ish. I don't think so.com People do what they want to do at their convenience is the lesson I have learned and that it's real and trill out here for a single mom, the economy has not gotten back where it needs to be , its becoming harder and harder to finish school and having to schedule your life meaning work and school around another person is not easy. Ish just got realllll....... I am so sad to say in our generation it's Mama Babies and Daddy maybe. #pissedthefukoff